Don't step on the frog!
I thought I’d share one schizophrenic episode with you all (and there have probably been hundreds if I’d counted)
It’s always a really difficult time, the days are long and stressful when your in the middle of a serious episode, they can last for days, weeks, months!
She thought the neighbours were trying to kill her with a shot gun and there were people tied down to the train track shouting out for her help. Take a minute and actually imagine how that must have felt for her. She was terrified for her life and ours. She’d hide under her blankets one minute and then pounce out as if to fight for her life the next. It was natures fight or flight response amplified to the max! I’ll never forget her eyes… wide and filled with fear. And the shouting……omg the screaming shouting “WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME!!!!”
You can’t calm someone in that state of delusion. Everything you say and do is wrong. You must be in on it! You must be planning with them! Why won’t you listen to me? I’m saying the truth! Why won’t you believe me!
After hours in that heightened state eventually the body starts to tire, the valium has a chance to work, and thank god…..it looks like we may get some peace and quiet.
Its about 3am its pitch black, I need the toilet and I think she’s sleeping
I get up and she says…
‘what are you doing?’
Me ‘just going to the toilet’
Her ‘mind you don’t step on the frog’
Given the amount of madness we’d been through I daren’t question ….what frog??? I just said ok, went to the bathroom and went back to sleep with her on the sofa.
When she woke up in the morning she said to me…
“I feel really cold on my back will you check it for me”
I shit you not …..I puled back the blanket and there it was…. A frog the size of my fist!!!!!!!
I jumped up and shouted mam!! There’s a frog on your back!!
She said (in complete calmness) ‘I told you there was a frog here’ she reached around her back and just give him a judge off
I asked her so….since when have you had a frog? She said ‘i don’t know….ive put him out twice but he kept coming back, so he lives here now’
And that was that!
So why am I sharing the frog story? It's a bit like the boy who cried Woolf story, taught me to never ignore anything she says incase no matter how bizarre, because it could be true! And I also just wanted to mention that mental health is such a fucking bastard of a thing! The suffering is unreal. The delusions, paranoia, torment can be unbearable to watch, I can’t imagine what it's like to endure. Be kind, patient and compassionate you never know what’s going on with people….because we’re all a bit mental, let’s be honest!!